How profitable is toilet robbery?

As we all know, when visiting various public bathrooms and toilets every day, not all toilets are created equal. There are toilets where we can count on multi-layered, soft paper and air fresheners that create a pleasant atmosphere, and there are also those that discourage us from using them not only with their smell, but also with gray, rough rolls of something that no one would want to wipe with. In England, on the other hand, you could come across... a toilet with a golden seat. At least until it was stolen.

A throne fit for a king

Made of 18-karat gold, the toilet seat is not something you can pass by indifferently - even if you don't feel the need to use the bathroom. The work, created by Italian artist Maurizio Catellana, known for such extraordinary works as a figure of a praying Hitler, a model of Pope John Paul II crushed by a meteorite, or a stuffed horse suspended from the ceiling on harnesses, is worth - a mere - 6 million dollars, or about 23.5 million Polish zlotys. Titled "America", the bathroom fixture gained fame when in 2017 the Guggenheim Museum in New York offered it to Donald Trump instead of a painting by Vincent Van Gogh, which he wanted to borrow for the White House. In September 2019, it was installed in the British Blenheim Palace, the birthplace of Winston Churchill, and became even more famous due to a daring theft it fell victim to.

Hydroenigma

According to the English police, the robbery of the golden toilet took place on September 14th of this year, around 4:50 am. The group of thieves, using at least two vehicles, managed to enter the palace and, without any subtlety, ripped out the precious toilet directly from the exhibition. It should be noted that, to the horror of the palace managers, the criminals were not experts in plumbing or did not care about it at all, and as a result of their actions, not only did they steal a valuable piece of art worth millions, but also completely flooded a large part of the palace. This may be hard to believe, but the 18-carat toilet was fully functional. Who knows, perhaps the mastermind behind this unusual robbery was someone dissatisfied with the fact that, due to high interest, only one visitor could use the toilet made of precious metal for a maximum of three minutes.

In search of the toilet Grail

Although the police were immediately notified and began an investigation into the crime, and one suspect was arrested almost immediately, followed by six more, the artwork has still not been found and the detained individuals were released. Surprisingly, only a small group of people seem to be concerned about this, and the artist himself is not among them. When asked for a comment, Maurizio Catellan stated that although he has pulled off some famous pranks, the most significant being the "theft" and display of his works under his own name in a Dutch art gallery, he has nothing to do with the disappearance of the golden toilet and does not expect to ever see it again. Fortunately, the stolen exhibit is only one of three valuable toilets created by the artist, so its loss and potential melting down will not be a major blow to the art world.

It seems that the thieves were not interested in acquiring a fancy toilet, but were solely motivated by the significant value of the material it was made of. Just a week earlier, thieves appeared at Sudeley Castle, located about 50 kilometers from Blenheim Palace, who were after jewelry given by King Edward VII to his mistress, as well as a gold cigar box. Along with the increasing number of similar thefts, the police suspect that the $6 million toilet did not enjoy a particularly high reputation in the criminal underworld and may have already been melted down for easier sale.

My bathroom, my fortress

Opinions of people living in the neighboring town of Woodstock, near Blenheim Palace, are divided. Some believe that the theft is a big scam and the golden toilet will soon return to the exhibition in a flash of cameras, while others lean towards the hypothesis that the thieves hid their loot by drowning it in the nearby lake or burying it on one of the many surrounding construction sites. There are also those who find the whole situation extremely amusing and use spray paint to turn their own or public toilets into a golden color. One of these imitations, located in a local pub, was even stolen by amused regulars as a continuation of the joke. This is, of course, an extremely extreme case of bold toilet theft, but it perfectly illustrates how difficult it is to control what happens in public bathrooms and how important lockable paper dispensers and soap dispensers can be in some places...

Ryszard Kurek